Trying

by Atheists

/
1.
Now that we got where we wanted to be Are you gonna take stock of wants and needs Sort it all out, sort it all out You’ve woven stories both false and true The ones you tell us and the ones just for you (You’re a) Figure of doubt We’re in a familiar place And you’re wearing a look on your face Though I’m sure you wish it was blank You got a light in your eyes That you hoped would hypnotize But it is only giving you away You gotta keep trying Gotta try a little harder You gotta keep trying Try a little harder If this is the name you want to claim If this is the part you wish to play Gotta keep trying Gotta keep trying Now that we got that fresh first snow Are you gonna just stay at home alone Every single day Every goddamn day Singing yourself off to sleep Always humming those inane melodies They never go away Always the goddamn same Lately I find myself being led To the gnawing thought in my head We all truly thought you were smarter You’re not fooling anyone at all I believe your order’s too tall And I think that’s something you don’t want to honor You gotta keep trying Gotta try a little harder You gotta keep trying Try a little harder If this is the name you want to claim If this is the part you wish to play Gotta keep trying You gotta keep trying You are a figure of doubt You are a figure of doubt We're trying to figure you out We’re trying to figure you out
2.
C'mon 02:47
When you wake up Looking all around For what now seems to be lost Eyes are rolling Back into a slumber Body being turned and tossed The hound is calling The sun is coming in Trying its best to pry and pry Inside your diving bell You are submerged and Unwilling to face the light But c’mon, dear C’mon, c’mon dear My dear, my dear, my dear C’mon, c'mon, c'mon Each day is harder Somehow heavier Than the one that came before You wear a robe of Sorrow around your house Not caring that it’s so last year But c’mon, dear C’mon, c’mon dear My dear, my dear, my dear C’mon, c'mon, c'mon It doesn’t have to be a marathon It can be a sprint here and there It doesn’t have to be a juggernaut It can be a whisper in the air So c’mon, so c’mon c’mon dear Some things are older Older than you know Older than the sun is warm Pain is ancient Inherited from others We just get to bear the sword But c’mon, dear C’mon, c’mon dear My dear, my dear, my dear C’mon, c'mon, c'mon C'mon, c'mon, c'mon It doesn’t have to be a marathon It can be a sprint here and there It doesn’t have to be a juggernaut It can be a whisper in the air So c’mon, so c’mon c’mon dear
3.
Hallways 04:51 video
Waltzing, waiting The tides are changing Inscrutable thoughts becoming pure Adjusting, addressing The light is undressing Peeling away what I tried to obscure I’ve spent so long walking Walking up and down hallways And I have nothing to show for it I should have known I should have known Inspecting, ingesting The words with which you’re wresting Trying to pull some blood from a stone Knowing, untrusting Coming so close to busting A shadowed hand covers what’s to be shown You’ve spent so long tracing Every last step you took And you’ve got nothing to show for it You should have known You should have known Is everything only a test? This coming from the ones who know you best I’m no longer in the game I never wanted to shoulder all the blame But who’s to say... We should have known We should have known
4.
Just As Well 03:12
Something needs to happen Something needs to change The alchemy is broken The chemicals rearranged It’s just as well That we leave it here The battle is felt The end is near Let's call a spade A spade and go It’s just as well That we stop this show Do we need to keep working Or have we done enough? The shadow was always lurking If you only looked close enough It’s just as well That this night ends short The cold does tell Of a swift retort No midnight song No hour’s bells It’s just as well I drive home by myself When the place you’ve wandered in Becomes the place where you squandered it It quickly transforms into a shambling ruin The ghostly sighs upon the air And nothing but the imprints of what was once there Are filling the eye with the signs of what did you in It’s just as well That this night ends short The cold does tell Of a swift retort No midnight song No hour’s bells It’s just as well I drive home by myself It’s just as well I drive home by myself Do we need to keep working Or have we done enough?
5.
Very Little 04:17
I do wish I had time To exist only inside A still moment A still of life Escape to some hill Splay my body on the grass A simple moment That does not pass I have sights and I have desires I have too many irons in the fire How can I reconcile? How can I settle? How can I move from very much To very little? Clouds move by Palatial in their scope An impressionist piece A map of hope Watching the birds till They become less than a line Invisible ink Written on the sky I have troubles and I have fears I have memories I would like to clear How can I reconcile? How can I settle? How can I move from very much To very little? What does it take To dissolve into the wave? Break it all down Completely disengage I have nightmares and I have dreams I have people on my team But how can I reconcile? How can I settle? How can I move from very much How can I move from too much To very little?
6.
Symbiosis 05:33
I think, maybe, we don’t have a clue Sometimes things just happen as they’re meant to We’ve lived together for so many years Side by side, alongside love and fear Always trying, trying, trying... Underneath the thumb of all we’ve done To the dust of years will we succumb? We’ve had so much time To figure out how we’re supposed to be If I’ve fooled you even once Then–- shame Shame on me Always trying, trying, trying...
7.
Impostor 04:05
I am an impostor, here I don the clothes of an actor Been here for over a year Adorned by target and marker My position is quite clear Cannot be convinced otherwise I am an impostor here Can’t you see in in my eyes? The newly minted history Is not enough for you I’ll never have enough To do what you want me to do Experience is cursory Or so it seems I’ll never have enough To show up and be believed I wear the neon sign I might as well take my leave It’s all an arbitrary game Designed to deceive Designed to deceive I am an impostor, here I don the clothes of an actor Been here for over a year Adorned by target and marker My position is quite clear Cannot be convinced otherwise I am an impostor here Can’t you see in in my eyes?
8.
Holy Spirit 05:51
Where is this Holy spirit? Is it in the wind or the sun? 'Cause I could use it now Down and out There are things that I just can’t outrun Why is it so hard to find The necessary tools To break the spell It worked so well We’ve all turned into fools We’ve all turned into fools Where is this Holy spirit? The thing of rumors and myth 'Cause I could use it now Forced to take my bow Nothing left to contend with Why is it so hard to find The necessary tools To break the spell It worked so well We’ve all turned into fools We have all turned into fools We have all turned into fools So where is this holy spirit? Does it exist? Does it exist? Does it exist? Does it exist? I could really use it now There are things I can’t outrun Like the fear that my run is done My run is done My run is done
9.
One-Way 05:42
I see your face in its upturned shape Torched and brandished on a spotlit stage An alarming realization makes you come to With that burden on your back You really find out what it is you lack If you have the mettle to carry it through An ugly display of what it means To be picked up tossed around and unseen The full release of their missiles right on cue Sometimes, sometimes It really seems there is no reason or rhyme For the ceaseless trouble it puts you through It all amounts to a headache Dragging you down Dragging you back into bed There’s nothing left for you to take You can’t turn around Can’t turn away from the mess you left This is a one-way This is a one-way I have sympathy, I truly do I know what it’s like to be run through To be running on empty with miles to go But all the choices you made before Contributed to this closing of the doors You’re out of routes to take except for one, it’s true It all amounts to a headache Dragging you down Dragging you back into bed There’s nothing left for you to take You can’t turn around Can’t turn away from the mess you left This is a one-way This is a one-way It all amounts to an outtake A sliver of time In which you get to stay There is no other possible way It’s isn’t a line It is a light-borne ray This is a one-way This is a one-way This is a one-way And that is ok This is a one-way And that has to be okay This is a one-way

about

Nine songs caught between reality and fiction, diary and story, now and not now, life and not life. I tried to make something that challenged me a little, pushed me in a new direction in some ways, while still holding true to myself as a writer and artist. I hope you enjoy it.

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released April 19, 2019

All songs composed, performed, and produced by me, Dec '18 - February '19.

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LIT. MAJOR Connecticut

Sad-song-singer.

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